Asexuality: The Three Things You Need To Know

What is asexuality?

Someone who is asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction to any gender.

Asexuality is real!

Yep there I said it. Asexuality is real. Don’t believe me? Well coming from someone who identifies as an asexual I can confirm that it is real.  When discovering that you are asexual immediately you (and everyone around you) start bombarding you with questions. I have to admit at first, before I truly accepted who I was, I asked myself every single question that I see day-to-day when it comes to asexuality. You know the questions like “what if it’s because you haven’t found the right person yet?” or “Could it just be a phase?” Pretty much every question that comes to your head I asked myself. I understand that I can’t prove what I don’t feel but the simple way is that I just don’t crave what you want. That’s okay and it doesn’t mean I’m broken.

So before you decide to ask me and other asexuals questions about our own sexuality ask yourself the questions first. How would you feel if you came out of the closet and was bombarded by a million and one questions.

Asexuality is NOT a joke! Stop using it as an insult!

As the years go on more and more people have begun learning the term and definition for asexuality and this has come with a lot of acephobic remarks and jokes. You may not understand what I am trying to say here but there have been situations that I’ve been in where my sexuality (unknown to those around me) has been used as a joke and an insult. The common one I’ve seen/heard is when Person A is talking about Person B and how they may or may not have been sexually active in their past or present relationships (even if Person A doesn’t even know much about Person B’s relationships) and they say something along the lines of “[Person B] is practically asexual.” This really infuriates me because not only does it turn asexuality into a joke/insult, it’s using my sexuality to dehumanize and hurt the person they are saying it to. As if to say that there is something wrong with being asexual when there isn’t.

A lot of asexuals think of themselves as broken so using this type of language in front of them only makes them feel worse. I understand that the person who used this in front of me didn’t know that I was asexual but that doesn’t mean that 1) there might have not been another closeted asexual around or 2) that the person who the remark was directed too could have also been an asexual. Please stop using sexuality as an insult or a joke because it’s not funny and it’s very insulting.

To all my fellow aces out there you are not broken and I hope that you are all doing well. And a small reminder that if you don’t want to come out that you don’t have to. It’s all up to you. Only you know what is best for you.

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Book Review: The Girl In The Ice by Robert Bryndza

girl-in-ice-1-4Title: The Girl In The Ice

Author: Robert Bryndza

Genre: Crime / Thriller / Mystery

Description: Her eyes are wide open. Her lips parted as if to speak. Her dead body frozen in the ice…She is not the only one. When a young boy discovers the body of a woman beneath a thick sheet of ice in a South London park, Detective Erika Foster is called in to lead the murder investigation. […]

                                            Rating: ★

Disclaimer: Review contains spoilers

I would like to thank NetGally, Bookouture, and author Robert Bryndza for my Arc of THE GIRL IN THE ICE in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

First off I want to talk about how beautifully this novel is written. The details that went into every moment had me feeling as if I was actually there witnessing it in person. I felt as if I was an extra police officer standing by DCI Foster trying to help the solve the case.

What got me into this novel before I even owned it was the book cover. It’s so beautiful. The colours used just gripped me straight away. And then I read the blurb which had me itching for more.

I’m a sucker for crime/thriller novels and this one just blew me away. The novel starts of in such a dramatic and fantastic way that from the minute I started reading I couldn’t put it down. This novel I would totally recommend if you wanted to start getting into this style of genre because the way that it is laid out is exactly how I believe a crime/thriller should be.

The book starts immediately with the night of Andrea Douglas-Brown’s murder and how it happened. I’m so very happy that this novel didn’t start out with the boy discovering Andrea’s body. The Prologue gives us into what Andrea Douglas-Brown may have been like and what she might have done to deserve such a terrible death.

DCI Erika Foster is such a well written character and I couldn’t stop myself falling in love with her. Throughout the novel she comes face-to-face with a lot of problems and yet she doesn’t let that stop her even when the world is against her. She demands justice for the murders and thankfully she gets it. Sadly during that process she barely escapes the murderers hands. I love the way that she just doesn’t take any of her colleagues shit. She does what is best for the victims and tries to find them justice. I love the fact that this novel focuses on how even though the victims were of different class systems that they should all be treated equally as they all died in such a tragic and terrible way.

This novel was written in such a unique way that it made me feel apart of the police force and that this is how I pictured it would be like to be apart of it. I felt angry, frustrated, excited, nervous and many more other emotions as the case grew and grew. I’m glad Erika took the risks that she did in this novel because it showed that even after such tragedy in her own personal life that you can come back and prove your worth. Which she did brilliantly.

Now for the killer. I didn’t expected the killer to be who it was. At first I believed it was who they told us it was going to be: George/Igor but when Erika brought Igor, Simon, Linda, and Giles into the police station for questioning everything begun to make sense and everything became connected. And in such a unique way. I would like to know the true reasoning behind why David wanted to kill his own sister (and the other girls) and why he was so willing to allow his father to cover it up the murders and blame it on his other sister. David is such a sick, twisted yet well written character that the reveal of him being the murderer I didn’t see coming. He comes off as the innocent typical young adult trying to get on with his life. But then the cracks begin to show.

The last few chapters had me gripped until the very end, I never read a novel that got even more action packed with only a few chapters left. Yet I felt totally satisfied with the ending. The Epilogue brought a tear to my eye because Erika finally decided to go back to her old home and visit her husband’s grave and I’m so happy that she finally got to do it especially because of what she’s been through.

I would definitely recommend this book and I cannot wait for the next one!

 

Shadowhunters TV: Why I Need You To Properly Canonize Asexual Raphael.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about I’m referring to this tweet by Cassandra Clare, author of The Mortal Instruments.

Screen-Shot-2016-02-04-at-16.06.03This is the confirmation that Clare tweeted about the sexuality of The Mortal Instruments character “Raphael Santiago”. In the novel series his sexuality is never stated unlike Magnus Bane’s, Alec Lightwood’s, Helen Blackthorn, and Aline Penhallow’s just to name a few. This tweet is a massive breakthrough for the asexual community and our lack of asexual characters in the media. But back to my point.

As The Mortal Instruments is now a TV show named Shadowhunters, airing on what is now called Freeform (previously known as ABC Family) and available Netflix for anyone outside of the United States, I would like the show to one up the author. Have the character canonize himself. Don’t leave it to speculation or tweet confirmations.

TV SPOILERS: In the recent episode of Shadowhunters 1×04 named Raising Hell there are subtle hints towards Magnus Bane’s bisexuality, through his links to former lover Camille Belcourt (said by Hodge Starkweather) and Magnus’ constant flirting with Alec. As well as Alec’s homosexuality through the scene with the memory demon where the demon needs to take a memory of the person they love the most. And for Alec this person is is his Parabatai Jace Wayland, which is shown to both Jace and the audience as his memory is ripped out, surprising and outing Alec in the process. Another hint towards Alec being gay is when Magnus approaches him after the stressful scene with the memory demon and telling Alec that “there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  

How does any of this relate to Raphael Santiago and his asexuality? Well there are many fun creative ways in which Raphael could casually throw his sexuality into a conversation. My personal favourite, and one I myself have used in a lot of situations, is maybe Raphael could be witnessing a scene between Magnus and Alec or Clary and Jace where the sexual tension is high and Raphael could say, in his sassy snarky way, “I’m too ace for this” before walking out of the scene. Or you could have him respond to Magnus or Simon or another character asking him how he is by “I’m ace” and winking. Just having Raphael use either of the words “asexual” or “ace” in a casual conversation would be enough. You don’t have to make it a big deal. Just like Bellamy Blake in the CWs The 100 didn’t when he casually included into the conversation that Nathan Miller had a boyfriend.

This is so important to the ace community and I because there is so very few canon asexual characters. This would benefit the show even more with it’s diverse cast and characters. Plus showing that there’s more than 2 sexualities. Shadowhunters could be one of the first shows to have more than one character within the LGBTQIA community and having them all be different sexualitys. It would be the first show that I know of to include a bisexual character, a gay character, and an asexual character. I know if I wasn’t already a fan of Shadowhunters and I found out they canonized and asexual character I would start watching it in a heartbeat. And I know some of the fellow ace community would too.