Let’s Talk: Aro/Ace Online Safe Spaces

Or rather lack thereof. Personally I don’t know any other aromantic or asexual people in real life, so I have to use the internet and social media to talk to people like me. I believe that’s similar for a lot of aromantic or asexual people. And a lot of people go to Tumblr or Twitter for these so-called safe spaces.

If you read my last post you’ll know that “ace/aro discourse” is a thing that I believe developed on Tumblr. Where people try to hate and gatekeep aros and aces from the LGBTQIA+ community and post arophobic content in our safe spaces (otherwise known as tags). And because of this I fear just going on Tumblr let alone going in our tags to find validation and safe spaces.

I’ve seen a lot of gatekeepers say “make your own safe spaces” but when we do like make another tag that hasn’t been infiltrated with aphobia, aphobes find it and that tag is no longer safe either. Since I’ve become more active in both the aro and ace communities we’ve created at least three new tags/safe spaces on Tumblr, but all of them are no longer safe. We can’t go outside of social media because a lot of us don’t have anywhere to go. And it’s so infuriating because sometimes something can happen in my personal life (usually it’s going to family dinners) and someone will say something and I’ll feel invalidated so I need our safe spaces to allow myself to feel valid. But where can I go if our safe spaces are invaded by aphobes and would just make myself feel worse?

Nowhere.

Our safe spaces aren’t safe. As “ace/aro discourse” has grown the more unsafe our tags get. Even though we have a tagging system and there’s a potential blacklist there’s still no way to avoid the aphobia within our tags. Because people don’t tag it as aphobia. I fear following people just in case they post “ace/aro discourse”, I constantly have the fear that I’ll stumble upon “ace/aro discourse” or some sort of aphobia on my Tumblr dashboard or my Twitter timeline.

So how are we supposed to create our own safe spaces, like you said, when our spaces keep being invaded by people who don’t want us to have safe spaces.

How is this fair?

Why do you hate us that much that you want us to feel terrible all the time. Let us have our safe spaces. If you don’t want anything to do with the ace or aro communities leave us the hell alone. It’s that simple. Stop trying to invalidate us all the time. We are tired of it. We just want our safe spaces to remain safe.

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